23.6.07

frozen in time



i found this photo of sophie today, in a box of pictures that have been in the broom closet since we moved here, going on four years ago. i don't think it was as interesting of a picture back then as i find it today, maybe because it was too recent, and i had no distance from that time. it was a frozen moment of the way things were all the time. but to have unearthed it a few years later, it has tremendous ripples all around it. just seeing it transported me back to that time, and made me miss it, and to realize that time is indeed moving at such a pace, though in the present i never feel it. somehow it reminded me that i will be an old woman, and that it will probably take me by surprise. i'll probably not even realize it until i see myself in a photograph, maybe even a blurry one.
but i love this picture of sophie. i have never been the kind of mother who wanted her children to stay babies so she could have them to baby. i've always looked forward to them growing up and becoming independent individuals. but this picture, and many of the others that were also in this box, made me nostalgic for my children's childhoods, though life was much more difficult back then when there was no time, or money, or privacy, or selfishness allowed. i am much more selfish now because i have the luxury of being so. sometimes when i think back to those days, all i can remember are the things i think i failed at. but then i see a picture like this one and i think, well, it must have been alright most of the time.

3 comments:

K said...

you are so amazing! I love what you said.
K

a distorted monkey said...

Time is a funhouse mirror on our lives. Every moment distorted differently from every other moment. Sane becomes crazy and crazy a clown and a clown becomes a midget who sings opera and dreams about beautiful fish swimming in his veins. The grotesque becomes lovely. There was a time I felt my nose huge and my mustache thin and debonair and now, in photos from that time, I see a huge hirsute clown entrenched on my callow blank face. The distortion changes and changes again.

Julie R said...

o monkey, you speak nothing but the truth.
well said.

and thanks k. for the compiment!