21.2.08

discouraging

as of late my posts are inspiring mostly just comments from spammers sending me links to porn sites. i think the spam robots can smell words like "sucker" and "without underwear" from very far off. looks like i will have to clean up my act or else it'll keep encouraging this inappropriate robot behavior.

this evening i walked across the street to the library, where they were holding a book sale. i arrived about five minutes before they opened the door and there was a line of about thirty people. it gave me a warm feeling of excitement that so many people would arrive early for a book sale. sometimes you feel very alone, and then something happens to contradict it. until the doors opened and the people in line streamed into the room snatching books from the tables and dropping them into their shopping bags, eagle-eyed only for first editions or anything of monetary worth. before i realized what they were doing, their greedy certainty unsettled me, made me insecure that they could somehow smell the best books and would buy them all up before i'd even gotten my bearings. but their idea of the best books were very different than mine. one man went around scanning the isbn numbers of books with an electronic contraption that no doubt calculated their true worth. i didn't like the frenetic energy with which these people jerked around the room and peered over my shoulders as i searched for and chose the books i would adopt as my own. they indifferently tossed the books they didn't want back onto the tables like fish they didn't want. back into the sea. i tried not to notice them, and slowly accumulated a small pile of books which i took to the counter where three white haired ladies with rulers and a cash box were waiting. they measured the spines of my books stacked atop eachother and charged me a dollar an inch. eight dollars. i got a beautiful hardcover copy of umberto eco's 'the name of the rose', a new thesaurus, a book of poems by peter gizzi, a jerzy kosinski novel i haven't read, a book of wild bird food recipes, a book by e.b. white titled "the points of my compass," two books for sophie, and a little italian cookbook with striking linoleum cut illustrations which i will scan maybe tomorrow or the next day and put some of them up here with a recipe or two. i walked home with my books in one arm. it had gotten almost dark. later, sophie and i sat on the back porch and watched the moon's eclipse while our hot wings cooked.

12 comments:

kay said...

a day of ups and downs. sorry to hear about the greedy jerks who disappointed you at the library. i'm glad you turned it around for yourself.

Julie R said...

thank you for not being a porn spammer. i love you bunches.

Anne said...

At events like you've described here, I sometimes go through elaborate pantomimes where I pretend to be really interested in an item, just because I know I'm being observed. I try to convey a range of emotions - from the delight of discovery to desire to pensive consideration to self-discipline to denial to regret as I put the book down, handling it with the kind of love and care I would use for a first edition of something that actually mattered to me. I then enjoy covertly watching the person who had been watching me pick up the same book and wonder just what it was about that particular edition of Chicken Soup for the Soul - or whichever innocuous title - they should be impressed with. Sometimes they actually buy them.

Is this unkind?

Julie R said...

yes, very. but fascinating nonetheless. i have had this exact experience at the thrift store, but with clothing. and i think it's also connected with parking lot space territoriality, in which part of you wants to turn around and say to the person who is following you, hoping that you're on your way to your car: 'yes i'm on my way to my car, and if you follow me, i'll take you there." but instead you act as if you don't see them wanting your space. because it's your space after all, and you don't really want to acknowledge that you are giving it up to them. what IS that? it's so strange and alienating, it even alienates yourself and makes you feel sheepish and ashamed, but you do it anyway...

Anonymous said...

cheat your way thin -
chopper tattoo -
cleanup the profits -
cold sore freedom in 3 days -
commission blueprint -
conversationalhypnosis -
conversational hypnosis -
cure for bruxism -
declutter fast -
driver checker -
earth4energy -
earth 4 energy -
easy member pro -
easy tv soft -
eatstopeat -
eat stop eat -
fap turbo -
fatburningfurnace -
fat burning furnace -
fatloss4idiots -
final sync -
final uninstaller -
fitness model program -
fit yummy yummy -
flatten your abs -
forex ambush -
governmentregistry -
government registry -
healthy urban kitchen -
homebrew installer -
homemadeenergy -
home made energy -
instant article wizard -
jamo rama -

Anonymous said...

joyful tomato -
lose man boobs -
lower body make over -
maternityacupressure -
maternity acupressure -
maverick money makers -
meet your sweet -
muscle gaining secrets -
muscle gain truth -
natural cancer treatments -
niche review templates -
nyhms warcraft guides -
pappa pc -
pc booster -
pc optimizer pro -
pc secret formula -
pda flix -
privacy control -
publicrecordspro -
public records pro -
push button ecover -
reg defense -
reg genie -
registry easy -
registry genius -
registry smart -
registry winner -
registry winner download -
reverse mobile -
richard mackenzie direct -
rocket japanese -
rotator cuff training -
save my marriage today -
secrets book -

Anonymous said...

silent sales machine -
silver lotto -
spyware cease -
super affiliate handbook -
the 11 forgotten laws -
thebadbreathreport -
the bad breath report -
thedietsolutionprogram -
the diet solution program -
the power pause -
tmj help -
tonsil stones remedies -
top secret fat loss secret -
turbulence training -
twitter rockstar -
uncle sams money -
underground hypnosis -
vincedelmontefitness -
vince del monte fitness -
warcraft millionaire -
warcraft wealth -
warp speed fat loss -
webcomp analyst -
wedding speech 4u -
win back love -
your software website -
zox pro -
zygor guides -
500 love making tips -
acid alkaline diet -
acne no more -
advanced defrag -
adware alert -
adware bot -

Anonymous said...

affiliate elite -
anti spyware -
anti spyware bot -
article bully -
art of approaching -
auto pilot profits -
bbq book -
blogging in action -
body building revealed -
burnthefat -
burn the fat -
carb rotation diet -
chopper tattoo -
conversationalhypnosis -
conversational hypnosis -
cure for tinnitus -
debt free in three -
driver checker -
duplicate file cleaner -
earth4energy -
earth 4 energy -
easy member pro -
easy tv soft -
eatstopeat -
eat stop eat -
end your tinnitus -
fap winner -
fat burning furnace -
fatloss4idiots -
fat loss 4 idiots -
final sync -
final uninstaller -
firewall gold -
fitness model program -

Anonymous said...

fit yummy yummy -
flatten your abs -
forex auto money -
forex auto pilot -
forex confidante -
game tester guide -
governmentregistry -
government registry -
healthy urban kitchen -
higher faster sports -
homebrew installer -
homemadeenergy -
home made energy -
i am big brother -
instant profit machine -
i want a teaching job -
joyful tomato -
lose man boobs -
lower body make over -
macro virus -
magic of making up -
make money taking surveys -
malware bot -
maternityacupressure -
maternity acupressure -
meet your sweet -
moles warts removal -
money siphon system -
muscle gaining secrets -
my airfare secrets -
my miracle loans -
my out of control teen -
natural cancer treatments -
ovarian cyst cures -

Anonymous said...

pc optimizer pro -
piano for all -
prevent sweating -
privacy control -
publicrecordspro -
public records pro -
pvp bible -
quick article pro -
quit smoking today -
reg defense -
reg genie -
registry easy -
registry genius -
registry smart -
registry winner -
registry winner download -
reg tool -
relationship headquarters -
reverse mobile -
richard mackenzie direct -
rocket japanese -
rotator cuff training -
satellite tv pc master -
secrets book -
spy no more -
spyware cease -
survey scout -
the bad breath report -
thedietsolutionprogram -
the diet solution program -
the guru assassin -
the power pause -
tmj help -
tonsil stones remedies -

Anonymous said...

turbulence training -
two minute profits -
vincedelmontefitness -
vince del monte fitness -
warp speed fat loss -
web traffic machines -
wedding speech 4u -
wind plans -
xp repair pro -
your fun business -
zygor guides -
500 love making tips -
acid alkaline diet -
acne no more -
advanced defrag -
anti spyware bot -
art of approaching -
banish tinnitus -
beat eczema -
blood pressure normalized -
burnthefat -
burn the fat -
conversationalhypnosis -
conversational hypnosis -
cpa arbitrage -
creative date ideas -
debt free in three -
digital background -
dirty talking guide -
discus fish secrets -
duplicate file cleaner -
dw insider -
earth4energy -
earth 4 energy -

Anonymous said...

easy tv soft -
easy web video -
eatstopeat -
eat stop eat -
end your tinnitus -
error doctor -
evidence smart -
fap winner -
fat burning furnace -
fat loss 4 idiots -
final sync -
final uninstaller -
firewall gold -
fitness model program -
fit over 40 -
fit yummy yummy -
flatten your abs -
forex auto pilot -
gain opinion -
gold secrets -
government records -
governmentregistry -
government registry -
green diy energy -
healthy urban kitchen -
highest pay surveys -
holo think -
homemadeenergy -
home made energy -
i want a teaching job -
joyful tomato -
keyword elite -
learn photoshop videos -
lmt forex formula -