who would have thought i'd ever love a meme?

so, bluewyvern had this idea for a meme which so appealed to me that i just invited myself to play. well, she invited anyone who wanted to, so i suppose i wasn't uninvited. her idea is this: construct an imaginary curriculum of classes you would like to take, she says 5-10, "courses you would take to fix your life." you choose one of the classes that the person who tagged you invented and include that. then you tag five people.

her "small talk workshop" is the one i'd like to take:

Small Talk Workshop: Advanced Techniques and Topics for Social Mastery
This practical course focuses primarily on in-class practice sessions guided by the instructor. Learn how to keep a conversation flowing seamlessly, ways to move beyond the weather, dealing with unpleasant people, social conventions, appropriate formulas for a variety of situations (polite refusal, soliciting favors, disengagement, etc.), networking, and more.

one of the people that bluewyvern tagged is maktaak, who has also been updating her blog with curriculum classes that her friends have responded with. some of my favorites:

Silence 101
Knowing when to shut up
A brief history of silence, techniques for keeping quiet, how to hold one's tongue, tact tactics, and the delicate art of being thought a fool rather than confirming it. No lecture: course is offered by correspondence and an in-person lab component.

CINE2313 – Film Name-Dropping for the Cinematically Challenged
Survey course for students who desire to extend their repertoire of film actors, directors, writers and other cast and crew in order to speak intelligently about cinema in mixed company. No films will be viewed during the course, as it is presumed that students have already viewed most of them, but simply cannot recall the individuals who contributed to each work. Upon course completion students will be able to give a convincing diatribe contrasting Hal P. Warren's use of frontier imagery with that of Sergio Leone's, and will be able to connect Toshiro Mifune to Kevin Bacon in only three degrees.

and maktaak's own:

Massage Collection Techniques 450
Ever wish you could effortlessly maneuver your shoulders under someone's fingers after a hard day's work? This course will teach you how to elicit sympathy massages from friends, family, even strangers on your commute. Learn how expert massage-getters groom themselves to invite shiatsu, hot stone, deep tissue and even aromatherapy massages from those who never considered themselves masseuses before. Taught by the Swedish prime minister.

so, this has utterly inspired me to make a few of my own:

How to Make a Silk Purse Out of a Sow's Ear 300
This course includes a complete overview of alchemical processes in addition to step-by-step instruction in three-dimensional sewing techniques. The class text, "A Throne is Only a Bench Covered with Velvet" must be purchased and brought with you on the first day of class, as it is an essential element of learning how to transform ordinary base materials into extraordinary fashion accessories.

The Art of Leaving Space Empty 171
You will learn both the value of capitalist restraint and the absence of comfort in this two part course. Class locations will be announced weekly, as we will arrange to gather in unfurnished rooms around campus as they become available. There are no textbook or supplies allowed for this course. Only students who have passed The History of the Lost Memory Arts 371 with a "C" or better may be enrolled. Though you will finish the class having acquired nothing, you will gain a great deal.

Listening as a Contact Sport 100
In this course we fathom the depths of the ear as a touch receptor, and cultivate in students the "hands-on" art of listening. What this course aims to do is help generate a new generation of fair and generous listeners, teaching strategies to ensure students become good losers and graceful winners in conversation. A portion of the class is devoted to self-defense techniques to prevent predatory behavior on the listener, such as outpourings of gossip, religious zealotry, and telephone solicitors, with another segment of the course focusing on the hidden physical dynamics and subsequent psychological impact of eavesdroppers and confession booths.

i only did three, so you who i tag only have to do a minimum of three. you are: andrea and chris, kay and sean, kate and maggie, chris, hillel, olivia and phil, bb, anne from finnegans wake, and miranda.

(and anyone else who would like to.)


Anonymous said...

here's one from me, in case i don't make it to two and three:

The Language of Sleep
Maybe you want to use language only flies along the edge of the sea will understand.
In this course, students will learn to access the poetry that writes itself during the moment between wakefulness and sleep. The class will participate in field trips to such dozable locales as church, the bus, and a shady patch of grass to learn how to grab hold of language as it drifts across the (un)conscious and carry it back into waking life. At the end of the course, students should expect to achieve conversational fluency.

Julie R said...

thanks kay, i love that one.